PTSD

THIS IS A REBLOG BUT MY MOTIVATION THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT

I am having trouble leaving the house and am trying to psychoanalyse why:

(Any one whose fight and flight response is dysfunctional knows that it is difficult to know if there is a real reason for panic or if it is unnecessary)

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Original post =

I was motivated to blog this because an acquaintance complained about her husband’s depression and anxiety:

Claimed she just couldn’t understand why people were like this.

PTSD and PND were not acknowledged in my day

I had 63 years of abuse starting when I was a baby.

When I was younger I was very good at pretending that I was OK (when I wasn’t):

I attended teacher’s college as a mature student:

(Because it was free—thanks to Gough Whitlam)

The head of the psychology department  commented what a happy go lucky person I was:
I had recently had my teeth knocked out and my face stitched:

I thought if I can fool  you I can fool anyone.

When I had my face stiched the nurse patronisingly told me that her husband never abused her!

feeding  the usual – “you must have deserved it” – concept

It wasn’t until this century after seeing an excellent psychologist

and a doctor who had been the victim of abuse

that I realised I didn’t deserve it.

This doctor said that she had only suffered mental abuse but having suffered both I know that mental abuse is worse and does irreparable damage- and told her so.

As I find myself going off in a tangent as usual 😛

This is so me

Having suffered almost a life time of physical and mental abuse and at least seven major traumas:

I  am very aware of how it affects physical health.

I walked my dog early Saturday morning:

just a short walk around the block:

We passed a house with two large dogs:

one brown and one black:

I thought “there is no fence”:

we walked on and I thought –

“there must have been a fence”:

then the huge black dog came charging toward us

Riley is my first little dog,

he used to play on the beach with dogs big and small until one day he was attack by an “holiday” dog

that fortunately had a band around its mouth and I was able to pull her off Riley:

Another time Riley was attacked by two grey hounds

whose humans said “they think he is a rabbit”:

then by a border collie:

He used to play with a border collie so it is the dog (or it’s human) not the breed .

Anyway now both my dog and I are very wary of big dogs:

as this dog bounded toward us I said

“Stop –Go home”

and he did.

But I had chest pains that felt like an heart attack (that lasted all day) but I realised it was anxiety.

Because from the early 70’s I believed we create our own reality I worked on self-healing.

I would remind myself what Fakirs could achieve.

I googled “fakir” but it didn’t give the information that I was looking for.

Considering Google “says” Malleus Maleficarum is about witchcraft

when it actually about torturing people so that they confess to being witches,

 What did I  expect.

The following from Doreen Valiente’ss “Natural Magic” inspired me:

Mehmet was told this when he thought he would never be a shaman:

“Believe in the possibility of what you intend to do,

Hold it strongly in your mind

And it will happen.”

A Marion Weinstein’s “word power” I use often:

I have changed the wording  a little:

“Both consciously and subconsciously

I am always creating drawing to myself

and participating in

the most perfect circumstances for my own fulfilment

Creating perfect health in all dimensions of my being”

Thankyou to those who read this far:

Enjoy your day

Please respect nature and other life forms