YOU MUST HAVE DESERVED IT

As this blog is sad I am putting happy pictures

I am pleased that these days’ children have rights and are able to report abuse:

But how many will?

I know I wouldn’t have even if asked:

I thought my mother was more beautiful and intelligent than anyone else’s mother and that I deserved  abuse.

I start shaking whenever I have to write or mention my abuse.

 but hope  it helps make others aware and hopefully notice if children or adults are being abused.

Many people have said to me that their mother was only mentally abusive.

I think mental abuse is worse.

When I was young I had no sibling: no  extended family

and television didn’t come to South Australia until 1959:

so I had no idea that my mother’s behaviour wasn’t normal.

Throughout my life If I mentioned my abuse either from my mother or husbands people told me that I must have deserved it.

I thought I was the problem for half a century.

“New Age” gurus like that late Wayne Dyer said “don’t blame your problems on your mother”

It wasn’t until I was in my early fifties, a psychologist explained that my mother was the cause of my problems, that I stopped thinking everything was my fault.

I have blocked out a lot of memories and some abuse that I do remember I cannot retell because I don’t want to think about it.

I just want to give a few examples:

The examples that

I am giving are physical abuse:

The mental abuse was worse and continued up to and including the week mother died.

I have flash backs to when I was still in my cot in a “two up:two down” terrace house in Lancashire.

I don’t know how old I was

but I was standing up in my cot.

I also don’t know what happened

I just remember her screaming abuse at me.

I know that with my first child, mother told me that if she cried, to just put her in her cot and let her cry herself to sleep

In Australia, when at age four,  I was already going to school

my mother pushed me into the wood burning part of the wood stove when it was lit

shut the door:

She then pulled me out:

 wrapped me in a blanket

and told people that she had saved my life after I crawled in.

 I had first degree burns.

When I was ten my mother was bashing me with a scrubbing brush

and had also washed my mouth out with soap.

I said to her “I haven’t done anything wrong”

and she told me that she just felt like bashing me. 

Despite this, for over half a century I believed that I deserved abuse because this is what everyone told me.

The bashings continued  even when I was an adult

 on Christmas day a month after I had an hysterectomy

she kicked and bashed me for no apparent reason.

This century her physical abuse was limited to slapping me across the face when she felt like it.

I have been chased with an axe and had my teeth knocked out several times from my first husband

My second husband’s first wife told me that he was “past master” of mental cruelty

And mental cruelty is far worse.

I have looked after children who have suffered far worse than I with no chance of recovery,

mentally or emotionally.

I hope that in this day and age someone will notice before it gets to this stage.

On this cheery note 😛

enjoy your Sun day

And be kind and respectful of non humans

and those humans who deserve your respect.