SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN TOLD I SHOULDN’T COMPLAIN ABOUT

Something I have been told I shouldn’t complain about—-but I am –because I want to —-also I know that many people can relate to this

I had 63 years and 8 months of abuse from my mother

I am almost 76 years old now

When the person that gave birth to me was alive I loved her and all I wanted was a kind word but her insults and abuse continued up to and including the week she died

She definitely fits the definition of a narcissist – her only goal was to be the centre of attention

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others”

She was also a convincing liar

I am not surprised that people believed her lies – most people believed here to be all sweetness and light and believed that  either me (or my Dad when alive) were horrible to her

i even believed her lies at times – knowing she lied about everything and anything

After Dad died she told me that the dog (a staffy cross bitch) wasn’t well and convinced me to have her put down

It only occurred to me much later that she just couldn’t be bothered with the dog

For as long as I remembered she told me “you are useless; a failure; a disappointment; cannot do anything right; neither use nor ornament”

I have blocked out a lot of my abuse but somethings will occasionally trigger a flashback.

When we were still at Northfield and I was already going to school my mother pushed me into the wood burning part of the wood stove when it was lit and shut the door: She then pulled me out: wrapped me in a blanket and told people that she had saved my life after I crawled in. I had first degree burns.

 A few years later we moved to Salisbury North. It was still mostly farms at the time.

When I was ten my mother was bashing me with a scrubbing brush and had also washed my mouth out with soap. I said to her “I haven’t done anything wrong” and she told my that she just felt like bashing me.  Despite this, for over half a century I believed that I deserved abuse because this is what everyone told me.

Had I not believed that I was the problem and seen what my mother was like I wouldn’t have let her mind my children and my husband’s nephews and saved these nephews from trauma that has affected their lives

In this photo taken 2003 (I was 54)

                             I put my arm around my mother and she moved away