YOU MUST HAVE DESERVED IT

Posted on August 25, 2023 by

1 Comment

pic from Arnoult/WireImage

I recently listened to Will Wheaton talk about his parents

Will is my son’s age – the reason I mention this is that attitudes were different in my day

I was told

Don’t criticize your mother

You must have deserved it

 Get over it

Called a liar Or completely ignored

Ada/mother

My mother was a physically, mentally and emotionally abusive, lying narcissist

She had most people convinced she was a sweet lovely person

I spent more than 40years thinking I was a bad person

 I remember her spouting the following when I was still a toddler and it continued until I was 50 years old

“You are useless a failure a disappointment:  cannot do anything right: neither use nor ornament ”

Which was reinforced by making me do things numerous times and telling me it was still not good enough

Her physical abuse this century was limited to slapping me across the face

But her emotional abuse was full on

She tried ridiculing and insulting me the week she died but the nurses took no notice

All I wanted was for her to love me and say she was proud  of me

NEVER HAPPENED

Two of my friends said

“She was jealous of you”

To which I replied

“I wanted my mother to love me not be jealous”

I am now 74 and the programming still rears its head — I delete it

(from a neuro physiological point of view it is probably hard wired)

I still love her

I am aware that so many people can identify with Will’s story

I never felt comfortable complaining about my mother and am still preached at or criticized when I do

But  strangely enough it is healing when I tell the truth about my mother

Blessed be

Category: abuse, cultural attitudesTags:

One Comment on “YOU MUST HAVE DESERVED IT”

  1. Parents bring up their children differently due to the different time periods. Today’s child upbringing is different, but in no way better.
    Each period has issues – none (so far) has been right.